so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
