I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
