I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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