Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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