She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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