remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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