The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
