Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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