Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
