Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
