No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
