I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
