I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
