you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
