I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
