I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
