You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
