A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
