literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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