Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Vodka?
Forever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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