well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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