barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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