all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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