I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
