You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
