Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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