You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
