yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
