singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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