A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
