FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I smell stomach acid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We are all done wearing pants today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
