Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
