Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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