Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
