she was so not down for the gang bang
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
