I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Houston, we have a blender
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
