i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
