Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
