Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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