Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
