we have officially lost it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
