if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
