Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
