Soap is not a condiment
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
