how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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