This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
