I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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