Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
