My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
