this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
