It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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