so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
