weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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